Postscript: Still family

When I divorced, one of the hardest things to accept was that I was going to lose this family I had been given in marriage, a family I had grown steadily closer to for more than 22 years. But that turned out not to be the case.

I’ve now been divorced and remarried for many years, and those former in-laws are still my family. It was their choice, of course, and possibly not an easy one, to remain close to a former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law. But my former mother-
in-law, who has since passed, set the tone and let me know I’d always have a place in her heart, and her children followed suit. And I know I am enormously lucky.

Last week, I got to spend time with a few of them. My former brother- and sister-in-law, Jason and Mandy, came to visit and celebrate their birthdays, and once again, I was reminded of how fortunate I was to have them in my life. My husband, Peter, went hiking with Jason and, as usual, met some friends on the way.

“Was it awkward, introducing Jason to friends?” I asked.

“No, he just introduced himself as your former brother-in-law,” Peter said. It wasn’t a big deal – not to
Peter, not to Jason, not to anyone.

But it is a big deal.

It is a very big deal for me to still have a strong relationship with these people I love, after the loss of a marriage changed the landscape. I’ve lost some good friends in the past, and I still feel those losses. To lose an entire family would be terrible.
We didn’t spend much time together during their visit. I was busy with a writers’ conference and had less time than I would have liked. But when we were together, we shared funny stories of things we had done years ago, stories of things we’re doing today, and stories from our childhoods, before we even knew one another. Of course, my ex-husband was woven into many of these stories but so were people who had died: Mandy’s wonderful husband; my father- and mother-in-law. Circumstances constantly change, but love survives.

More than ever, I realize how lucky I am when it comes to family. I also realize how little biology or legalities have to do with what makes a family. We need people in our lives who know our stories from the past and are interested in our stories today. We need people who share our old jokes that other people won’t ever fully understand. We need people who can accept us, along with the changes that are always a part of life – and remain family.

Till next time.

See past postscript from this year!
Postscript: More badges (January 2026)
Postscript: Judy keeps the door open (February 2026)
Postscript: Seek the good (March 2026)

• Facebook
• ShareCopied to clipboard

<<< Back to Home